memoirs of a scorpion

2005-06-21T20:13:00.000-07:00

MEETING PEOPLE ONLINE
ever wonder why people who post their profiles online make a common claim of saying they're "looking for a bf, a lover, a better half, a knight-in-shining-armour or for most, a real relationship when most of the time, people go online simply for "hooking up" (read: sex) even if they say they dont ?? even those who proclaim theyre friendly and open rejects friendship proposals just because they find the person not suited to their aesthetical taste or not "cute" enough to be a potential lover or simply to be replied to ?? we all know that the the net is one medium of meeting people but does it really have to be all about sex, goodlooking guys and lean/buff bods ?? if this is what online profile sites are, then i feel we must rethink our real purpose of going online and logging on to such sites... think about it....

2005-06-21T20:12:00.000-07:00

SEARCHING ONLINE
every gay man experiences this at one point and time... you feel so unwanted, ugly, worthless, unappreciated .... and all because of rejections and dissapointments coming your way (wow, am i writing my own experiences here ??hehehe) but we somehow manage to spring back and pick up the pieces to start again... start anew with a refreshed spirit that everything we'll be fine.... thats how resilient gays are. we continue searching, looking for that "special someone" who will make a difference in our lives... make it somewhat lighter, colorful... but we see a lot of online postings that come off as somewhat too needy for most... i guess we need to rethink on how to compose these "searching" posts... we dont want to sound pathetic or needy right ?? that would scare or repel potential partners... no one would be interested with someone sounding too needy right ?? think about it... :o)

2005-06-21T20:09:00.000-07:00

SONG/S DEAR TO YOUR HEART
theres always one that anyone can relate to at some point and time... a song that reminds you of a happy incident, a sad encounter or a painful experience... a song whose lyrics haunt you like a ghost from the past... a song whose rhythm can make a tear or two fall from your eyes... not everyone is musically-inclined but all of us have ears that can appreciate a melody... eyes that can relate to lyrics... and hearts that can experience feelings created through songs... here's one song dear to my heart.... hoping that one day, i can have the chance to mean it to one special person...

Say goodbye
When I can barely say goodnight
If I can hardly take my eyes from yours
How far can I go?
Walk away... the thought would never cross my mind
I couldn't turn my back on Spring or Fall
Your smile least of all
When I say always I mean forever
I trust tomorrow as much as today
I am not afraid to say I love you
But I promise you
I'll never say goodbye

We're dancers on a crowded floor
While other dancers leave from song to song
Our music goes on on and on
And if I never leave your arms I really would have traveled everywhere
For my world is there

When I say always I mean forever
I trust tomorrow as much today
I am not afraid to say I love you
And I promise you
I'll never say goodbye

2005-06-21T20:08:00.000-07:00

STATE OF DEPRESSION
have you ever felt so sad that tears automatically fell from your eyes ?? or felt so alone and depressed at the end of the day that all you wanted to do was sleep to forget everything but was unable to ?? or your trying to forget an unhappy incident or even someone who has hurt you but no matter how hard you try you just cant seem to ?? im no guru on such topics but let me just share with you all what i do when im in such state.... *** look into the eyes of a child and appreciate how he laughs and delights himself with the most trivial occurences in his day-to-day life; focus your view on even the smallest things that made you smile in the past... *** look around you and check the mendicants begging for coins so they can buy food or maybe give to the hooligans maintaining them; then look at the roof thats protecting you from the harsh elements of nature...or the clothes that keep you comfortable...and the food that you put into your mouth... or maybe the senses youre still blessed to use... *** and lastly, breathe deeply and appreciate the air that still flow into your lungs... the air that makes you live and breathe for your loved ones that youre temporarily too blinded to notice... small things that we tend to forget but are of great importance in our lives.... try it... it might work for you :o)

2005-06-07T18:09:00.000-07:00

ONLINE PICS
pictures can tell a thousand stories... weave a million expectations... and create limitless notions on the subject depicted... but how can you tell if behind the toothy smile, fashionably coiffed hair, the graceful neck, strong shoulders and lean bod, lies a real person you can relate to ? a real person who can actually speak or write to someone of lesser physical attributes ? no wonder theres a lot of frustrated souls here who write about angst resulting from such encounters... there are also some who post pics of models, actors and other gorgeous people glamorously photographed... its not really my business to say but are these meant to tell people they actually look like the person shown on the pic, or its just a way of enticing or getting attention of gay men ? i just find it amusing really... and quite sad at the same time...

i remember a friend saying, "if its a face pic thats posted, hes looking for a friend (or a lover if hes lucky)... if its a dick pic, its just good head/fuck that he wants"